Gone Nuclear

gObama!

2009-01-20T10:39:00.000-08:00

Google Man vs Bechtel Man

2008-06-25T23:42:00.000-07:00

Revenge of the Nerds
If Bechtel Man got in a fight with Google Man

Who would win?

Miss those good old pre-adolescent days of idle speculation around those action figure heroes in your comic books? Well maybe we get to find out this time!

Remember when Bechtel (aka LANS) took over the LANL contract and they started doing all kinds of rude, stupid and downright dangerous (to the laboratory, the community, the country, and ultimately to science) things? About the same time as instituting a flawed Drug Testing Plan, they also instituted a new rule against taking (unauthorized) photographs on LANL property.

Today, a Google Camera Car (Streetview)* was spotted on LANL property... the camera phone shot of it below was taken (legally) from the public right-of-way just off LANL property... essentially from the Los Alamos Research Park. Naturally the Google Streetview Camera Car was not breaking Bechtel's rules either when the shot was taken...

But it *was* about to turn into the Otowi parking area, patently ON LANL Property. Did the driver turn off his camera? Probably not!

We wonder if the Pro Force even knew what that "funny thing on top of yer ski rack!" was?

Expect this view to show up on Street View "real soon now"! Or will Bechtel manage to supress it?

Bechtel's policies about camera use on LANL property are probably pretty unenforceable with anyone not working for or under contract to Bechtel/LANS. But wouldn't it be fun to see what would happen if Bechtel tried to take on Google over something like this.

We are betting on Google Man kicking Bechtel Man's ass.

First, we suspect Google man knows more about Bechtel Man's private corporation (and family) dealings than even the NSA and the FBI. Second, while Bechtel man can call in his evil-action-friend Blackwater Man to use full-frontal-assault and sniper-rifle and hand-to-hand combat forces against Google Man, Google Man can respond across a much wider, possibly subtle, but more effective range. Bechtel Man's secret dealings (behind closed doors, under tables, in the haze of smoke-filled rooms) will suddenly be out in the open... his enemies and competitors will suddenly find that their web searches for one thing, expose an orchestrated cacophany of "dirty little secrets".

When Bechtel Man sends Blackwater Man after Google Man, not only will Google Man know all of Blackwater Man's plans, he will also have mucked with that order for "5000 rounds of armor-piercing sniper-ammo" from Firearms Man and Blackwater Man will be breaking down doors and shooting from rooftops only to find out those expensive rounds were really blanks or wadcutters or simply had just enough powder to jam their assault weapons and sniper rifles. Poor babies. Meanwhile back home, Bechtel Man's and Blackwater Man's wives will be discovering that their macho husbands aren't always off "making the world safe for democracy"... sometimes they are off hanging out with "teenage cheerleaders in heat" or worse yet "young studs who want you now!" or the wives themselves have fell in love with online lovers and are emptying the bank accounts and packing their bags to go off to live with Romeo (who is probably a 19 year old pimply faced GoogleGeek).

* Disclaimer: We haven't done the research to be sure this "ladybug" equipped car is Google's or MicroSoft's or some independent (KGB? Massaud? Al Quaida?) capture-mobile... but Google is a good bet and it makes for more fun pitting action figures against eachother!

'nuff for now
-Doc Strange(love)

Doc and Calvin and Vlad go Lame!

2007-11-18T21:29:00.000-08:00

Doc and Calvin and Vlad can't seem to keep up with the blogging can they?
What a buncha LaOoosers!

"don't forget to turn out the lights on your stupid blog when you leave" - anonymous

Surely, Blogging in this context is a bit on the thankless side. Extra Kudos to Doug, Brad, Pat, Pinky and the rest... and even Eric for his extraordinary tenacity!

We'll leave the lights on a little longer here, thank you.

- Doc

A Few Simple Numbers: Juxtaposed for Effect

2007-09-23T20:34:00.001-07:00

Nagasaki Japan August 6, 1945 - 21 Kilotons

Mount St. Helens Washington, May 18, 1980 - 24 Megatons

Disclaimer: This post is not intended to defend the design, manufacture, or use of Nuclear Weapons, especially against civilian populations. It is intended to try to offer some humbling perspective on the works of man.

This post is in response to Ms. Shigeko Sasamori's visit to Los Alamos this weekend. Unfortunately, we did not attend her public speaking engagement.

About 6 years ago, former Beat Poet and contemporary Buddhist, Gary Snyder came to Santa Fe to read from his latest book of poetry. While on stage, he told a very interesting pair of anecdotes:

It seems that in August of 1945, Snyder was hiking on Mount St. Helens and upon returning to the Forest camp at the base, read the newspapers announcing the devastating bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. He reported thinking how those cities would not see life again for tens of thousands of years.

In May of 1980, Snyder was visiting Nagasaki where he marveled at how little evidence of the destruction of 1945 remained noticeable. He was in Nagasaki when he heard the news of the Mount St. Helens eruption and was immediately taken back to the days he hiked it's slopes while Nagasaki and Hiroshima were bombed. 20 or so years after the eruption, Snyder returned to Mt. St. Helens and saw the marvelous rebirth of an ecosystem yet-more fully destroyed than even that of an atomic blast.

Snyder did not make the comparison but with a little research we discovered that the estimated amount of energy released in the Mt. St. Helens eruption was about 24 Megatons, or about 3 orders of magnitude more energy than in the Nagasaki-21 Kiloton (or Hiroshima-16 Kiloton) bombs. Krakatoa was apparently good for about 200 Megatons.

A good hurricane is apparently worth 8 Gigatons or (yet another) 3 orders of magnitude. The combined nuclear stockpile around the world is estimated at around 13,000 weapons with a combined energy of about 5 Gigatons or one modest hurricane! Killer asteroids such as the one which may have wiped out the dinosaurs clock in at a mere 100 Gigatons.

56 people were known to be killed in the Mt. St. Helen's eruption while an estimated 200,000 were killed in Nagasaki and Hiroshima, also about 3 orders of magnitude difference. WWII included 40-70 Million deaths or 2 more orders of magnitude. The recent tsunami in southeast asia (2005) took a little over 200,000 lives.

Man is clearly pretty good at using his contained and directed energies at killing people while mother Nature wields quite a bit more on a regular basis but is a bit less bent on such directed violence. Until humans escalate to anti-matter weapons (1 lb => 20 Megatons), we will be quite second-rate to mother nature. The amount of solar radiation, for example, impinging on the earth every second is about 10^18 joules or a Gigaton per second. Imagine what the sun is generating!

Enough of the goofy anecdotes and numbers... but let's back down on our human arrogance a couple of notches and think about what we are doing.

Do as you are told and nobody will get hurt!

2007-09-18T21:19:00.000-07:00

Great minds think alike... and so do Vlad's and the Good Doctor's I guess.

And we both have a Pinky and the Brain fetish too apparently!

From the Aboriginals of the North American continent to the Jewish peoples of Germany to the Palestinians, we have heard this line over and over. "Do as you are told and nobody will get hurt!" In hindsight it is always a euphamism for "do as we tell you and we will get what we want and you will be exterminated".

Vlad the Impaler takes on Bechtel?

2007-09-17T20:37:00.000-07:00

Go Vlad Go! See Vlad Go.

It looks like LLNL-the-rest-of-the-story has now been coined... and is run by Vlad the Impaler and has comments turned ON... LLNL-the-corporate-story does not allow comments .

But don't get too carried away, it also has the following caveats and warnings:

"This Blog is for ( LLNL / LLNS,LLC) employees only. "
" this blog is reviewed daily and if comments are out of line they will be removed."

Vlad's record is only a little worse than our own with a mere 2 comments on a total of 5 posts. We may try a comment just to see how he responds. We may risk impalement!

Vlad appears to have about as much use for Bechtel as We do, but with his odd syntax, it is a little hard to tell exactly.

Tragedy of Similar Proportions?

2007-09-11T07:54:00.000-07:00

2500 abruptly w/o jobs is not the same as over 3000 dead and many more injured, but the conspiracy theorists are having a heyday noticing that both may be the very deliberate and ruthless acts of our own top government in cahoots with the military-industrial complex.

Can you say "Bechtel"? "Halliburton"? "Bush-Cheney"?

What is in it for Bechtel to have taken the LANS contract only to have to (get to?) fire 2500 employees, many highly educated, trained and skilled scientists? Their operating contract valued everywhere between $60M and $79M just doesn't seem like it is worth all of the trouble to them. What *else* are they in this for?

Any guesses?

Outsourcing RIF notifications

2007-09-09T10:23:00.001-07:00

In a cost savings measure, LANS/Bechtel has outsourced it's RIF notification process.

"The total cost of RIFing 2500 employees should be under $20K with this company" says LANL Director.

Kindly Director Mike Anastasio is shown here:
"Making his list and checking it twice." "Gonna find out whose been naughty and nice!"

RIF Management - Monte Carlos Style!

2007-09-08T14:54:00.001-07:00

OK boys and girls, the fun is about to begin. LANL management is about to start "making plans for a Reduction In Force" something they have adamantly denied (refused) to be doing until last week.

We are smart people, we can come up with a "highly efficient" but "fair" way to make the "hard decisions". The Deer Hunter has nothing on us.

If we can find someone with P-card authority, we could buy one of these for each AD (along with 2500 rounds of "ammunition"). Anastasio could hold an "all-heads meeting for his upper management". He could pass these out, keeping one himself. This could be simulcast via LABNET for the staff. After Anastasio pulls the trigger on his own, if he survives, he would instruct all of his AD's and staff to do the same. If not, his second in command would step forward and repeat the procedure.

HR would be on hand to pass out pink-slips to the "unlucky ones".

Each surviving AD, or their (surviving) deputy, or a predetermined designee if all deputies of a directorate should "fail", would then call their own "all-head's" meeting for the their DL's and Division Staff who would be expected to repeat the process. GL's would be in attendance to observe but not participate.

By now, we should be up to nearly a hundred (somebody get the numbers, do the combinatorics for me?) very high paid employees who would never have left otherwise.

The GL's can then call all-heads meetings of their own, commit hari-kari themselves (or not) and then the staff, bolstered by the stoic performance of their upper management will be happy to participate in the final round.

A quick recalculation might show that in fact, the number of employees needing to be laid off has reduced significantly by the number of upper management leaving!

Now *that* is efficiency!

- Doc

Gone Missing? Gone Crazy? Loose Nukes?

2007-09-08T11:11:00.000-07:00

B-52 mistakenly flies with nukes aboard

Meanwhile:
Los Alamos National Laboratory is Gutted
by butchers who can't get Golden Eggs from their Golden Goose fast enough.

RIF or RIP ?

2007-09-07T23:09:00.000-07:00

The LLNL Blog is starting to kick some ass in content and style...

Those who know me personally have accused me of being it's ghost-author... sorry boys and girls, I really have been hibernating!

I don't want to exaggerate the rumors of my resurgence just yet, so don't get your hopes up (or your knickers in a twist either) I might just be going on a short riff here.

"Riff", "RIF", "RIP"... hmmm?

It is the Blogger's perogative if he/she wants to enable comments, to moderate them or even to edit them mercilessly... I *like* public participation, even if it is only to provide me with lame hecklers to make fun of.

Anastasio Reassures LANL Staff - "No Plans for RIF"

2007-09-05T15:00:00.000-07:00

LANL Director Mike Anastasio assures
LANL staff that the lab is NOT about to be burned ground.

A New Day Dawns in NM.

2007-09-04T19:06:00.000-07:00

Only a few miles and 60+ from the infamous Trinity Test in Mew Mexico, Sir Richard Branson of Virgin Galactic is building the world's first-ever commercial SpacePort - SpacePort America.

In a press release today, Branson stated: "We knew we were doing the right thing when we decided to locate SpacePort America in New Mexico. Today, we received an unprecedented number of applications for employment by some of the most highly qualified scientists and engineers in the world". Virgin Galactic's Personnel department was unable to be reached to verify whether in fact, 9,600 applications had been received en-masse from the Los Alamos National Laboratory's Human Resources department.

Branson was later overheard saying: "This is awesome, I am going to have the most highly overqualified staff on the planet working at my spaceport. Nobel Scientists and world-renowned Engineers are going to be polishing our spacecraft, emptying our dump tanks, and personally greeting and schmoozing our celebrity passengers... and all for a mere $8 per hour. I love this colony! This is better than that deal I had with Hooters a few years ago that (pardon my expression) kinda flopped! Some of those scientist blokes have enough money saved up to commute from their quaint little village on that hill of theirs on our airlines. I may just have to set up daily round-trip service from the Los Alamos Airport to SpacePort America! There are lots of pilots living and a pretty darn long runway too! But we may have to improve their flight control procedures a bit."

Rumors of Demise

2007-07-01T16:17:00.000-07:00

"The rumors of my demise are greatly exaggerated!"

"He must have something better to do!"

Despite the many rumors, The Good Doctor is alive and well and have not died or taken ill. Neither have we been incarcerated by the rumored FBI undercover masquerading as the Los Alamos Police Chief.

Instead, we have been rather busy elsewhere and quite frankly have lost interest in the bulk of the commentary being generated on *any* LANL Blog. We do not hold our fellow bloggers accountable, but do hold many of those who choose to comment so. Get your stupid heads out of your asses people! Quit with the whining and the cheap shots, be thoughtful. Please.

We give our thanks to Pinky AND The Brain, to Buck Turgedson, to Calvin (who has also lost faith in the quality of participation on the blogs... relayed via private correspondence), to Brad and Doug, and to Gussie Finknottle herself for keeping the blogging spirit alive here.

Amongst the commentarians, only the random interjector known as "Darko" has consistently impressed us. There have been other comments of merit, but most have not even offered a psuedonym and therefore seem to be one-shot wonders (or perhaps they are!).

We know it is hot... so maybe that explains the lethargy. Or is it the continued grind of the machine?

Carry on,
- Doc

Unattributed Peafowl

2007-06-17T10:18:00.000-07:00

The Doctor and I thought for quite a while on whether or not to write about this next story. However, after some consultations with our colleagues, we decided that in the interests of full disclosure it just had to come out.

It's not pretty, but unfortunately this is what we have come to expect from LANS, LLC.

Unattributed peafowl.

Yes, LANS has sunk that low. Our investigators have discovered that the bird in question featured in the June 15 edition of the LANL NewsBulletin belongs to none other than Doug Roberts, creator of the original LANL, The Real Story blog. Roberts is now living in Nambe, New Mexico.

When contacted by reporters this weekend to verify whether the hen in question was actually one of his birds, Roberts said, "Why, yes! That's Priscilla! I'm so pleased that the photographer caught her good side." Asked if it upset him that LANL choose to publish a photograph of one of his flock without permission or attribution, Roberts replied, "Well, you know, LANL is going through a difficult period now. Perhaps it just slipped Mike's mind."

So there you have it: another gross violation regarding the dissemination of electronic media by LANL. However, both the good Doctor and I were impressed by the graciousness with which Roberts forgave Dr. Anastasio for this latest in what has been a veritable series of missteps regarding the handling of sensitive electronic media by the crack management team of LANS, LLC.

--General Buck Turgidson

We have a plan!

2007-06-10T06:59:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the nice introduction, Dr. Strange. You're right about Gen. Jack D. Ripper, btw. He's nuttier than a fruitcake. Precious bodily fluids, my ass.

However, as to the current state in which LANL finds itself, my good friend Major T. J. "King" Kong put it this way. I mean, really. Look at you. Charging more than $450,000 per FTE for any work you do.

Now, the Democratic majority in Congress is calling for the lab to readjust its priorities and subscribe to a "bold vision" (the words of Rep. Tom Udall, D-Santa Fe, in a press release) that would put energy independence rather than nuclear capability at the top of the national-security "to do" list. Excuse me, but isn't that NREL's mandate? What good would a bunch of (really expensive) stodgy old bomb designers be at renewable energy, anyhow? And who would pay LANL $450,000 per person to do it these days, no matter how good LANL says they would be at it? My buddy "King" has a few words about turning LANL into an energy lab in today's environment.

Speaking of what a "world class" lab LANL considers itself to be: how good a lab is LANL, really, these days? Face it, since that madman (and believe me, I know a madman when I see one) Nanos shut the place down for the better part of a year back in '04, many of the good scientists have been leaving. Look around you. How many world class scientists do you see remaining? Me neither.

Oh, and speaking of "in the toilet", too bad about the funding for that billion $ Pu facility being taken off the table. Nice hole in the ground you've got going out there at TA-55, though.

Did I mention the potential for around 2,000 more layoffs at LANL for FY '08? LANL is apparently not Congress' favorite budget line item. This, of course, would be in addition to the 600 - 1,000 RIFS that were already anticipated as a result of LANS' $175 million budget shortfall for this fiscal year. Life at LANL is good, however, at the top. It sure was nice of you to pay your top managers all those bonuses.

But wait! What about nuclear power? We could do nuclear power, couldn't we? Yes! that's it! We have a plan!

Well, maybe not. I never was too sure about Doc Strange, to tell you the truth.

I suppose that's enough musings for now. Tell you what, let's all just pretend that some miracle will happen, giving LANL a chance of not fading into complete irrelevance.

--General Buck Turgidson

The GENERAL is in the House!

2007-06-08T19:50:00.001-07:00

Our good friend, General Buck Turgidson, has agreed to take up the banner here for a while. The Good Doctor has prescribed Himself some much needed time off.

Trust Us, however, We are up to no good in Our Absence! Watch the headlines for Our name!

Meanwhile, let's give the Good General a warm round of applause!

Welcome Buck!

Hooked and Beaten

2007-05-31T22:33:00.000-07:00

What a "fuckaroo"...

Tommy Hook and wife
(nice depth-of-field effect!)

2 get plea deals in beating of LANL whistle-blower outside Cheeks
Is anyone (Hook, his lawyer, Cheeks owner/bartender/stripper/lawyer, FBI agent man, SF Police, Sandoval, Navarez, ???) telling anything like the truth here? Or are they all telling a convenient (to their own agenda) fiction? Hook might be lying about why he was there, but who in this story isn't? Geeze!

Here is our earlier post on the topic.

Joseph Sandoval, the 26 (then 24) year old, 275 pounds is represented by his lawyer as non-drinking, non-drug-using, w/o a criminal record. His lawyer also paints him the victim. Just coming to pick up his friend, he is struck by Hook's car as it backs up. Hook jumps out and verbally abuses him, then goes for his throat. Sandoval pushes him down and then stands back while "someone else" (Navarez by implication?) beats Hook to a bloody pulp, stopping only when interrupted by Cheeks' staff?

Zeke Navarro, a 29 year old, credited by implication with beating Hook to a pulp.

Hook, beaten to a pulp at his fighting weight of 150 lbs.

Two Gadgets

2007-05-25T00:16:00.000-07:00

America's Two Gadgets

Of Bombs and Polygraphs

Ken Alder*

ABSTRACT

This essay pairs two prototypically American technological objects of the mid-twentieth century: the atomic bomb and the lie detector. Although the former has been touted as the supreme achievement of modern technoscience, and the latter dismissed as a placebo device, the two "gadgets" actually performed in analogous fashion. Indeed, the essay suggests that these technologies are best understood not in terms of narrow functionality but in terms of their performance—akin to that of Frankenstein's monster—in the domains of justice, popular culture, and geopolitics. Specifically, it argues that the mutually supportive roles played by the two objects underscore the ways in which the theater of deterrence sustained American sovereignty during the era of the Cold War.

There are some important similarities:

We agree that both devices are designed to intimidate.
We agree that both are attempts to innovate technical solutions to sociopolitical problems.

Nuclear Weapons do not "keep the peace", they pre-empt overt violence with the threat of bigger violence.
Polygraphs do not "detect lies", they pre-empt lies through the application of a bigger lie ("we can tell if you are lying")

There are also some important differences:

Nuclear weapons generally do precisely what they are designed to do... destroy huge areas of real-estate and people and leave the area contaminated.
Polygraphs do not "detect lies".

Nuclear weapons are most effective if "never used".
Polygraphs are only effective if misused.

Just our opinion here, what do YOU think?

I Cannot Tell a Lie!

2007-05-20T07:44:00.000-07:00

This post is from a source wishing to remain anonymous. We are soliciting more posts with this level of detail. Two more anecdotal accounts have been offered as comments on this post and appear here as well. Keep them coming, I can already see how they might be useful to those who are facing the same.

- Doc

Original Posting
Here's a fairly detailed account of the CI polygraph I took for HRP a little over a year ago. I am assuming this will come to you anonymously.
The polygraph center is located in an office park near the ABQ airport. You enter a hallway from the parking lot and there are two badge reader controlled doors. The one on your left is a waiting area, where you sign in, deposit your belongings in a locker, and wait. There's no restroom in the waiting area, you have to go out the badge reader door and down the hall and then have them badge you back in. There's a video camera, a water dispenser, and a bookshelf filled with Tom Clancy novels (how long DO they plan for me to wait?) and past issues of Guns & Ammo. After browsing through the sign in sheets to see if I knew anyone, I waited. Probably a half-hour, it's hard to say under the circumstances. I was the only person waiting.
When my turn came, they took me across the hall through a second badge reader, into an office area. The polygraph rooms are cubicles with ceilings, built from modular walls like you'd see in many LANL office buildings. The room contained a blocky upholstered chair (function of which is obvious) in the corner opposite the door; a desk with a computer on it, set to the right of the chair, mostly out of the view of the person sitting in the chair; and a folding chair directly in front. The examiner was friendly and helfpul in a rehearsed and measured sort of way. Not as cheerful as a flight attendant, but more solicitous than the average LANL buyer. (Cheap shot, I know). His overall demeanor suggested that he wanted to help me get through the process as smoothly as possible. I did not experience anything that I would describe as threatening or unprofessional during the test, but I would not describe it as a pleasant experience, either.
I don't exactly remember how I was hooked up, I think there was a velcroed strap that went around my chest and a thingy on my right hand. You are supposed to sit extremely still while they are recording, which is not easy for a fidgety person. The recorded sessions take just a few minutes each, and there are four of them at a minimum, or more if you have trouble producing the right kind of signals. The rest of the time is spent going over the questions. You can't see what is being recorded, because it's on a computer screen facing away from you, and because the examiner is out of your field of view when you are sitting perfectly still.
The examiner went over the three types of questions. The first is intended to be a completely neutral question, such as "Are the lights on in this room?" Your are supposed to answer this honestly. The second type of control question is intended to produce an emotional reaction and you are asked to lie, for example, "Have you ever deceived a loved one?" or "Have you ever violated a traffic law?" These are supposed to be questions that everyone should be able to truthfully say "yes" to, but the examiner asks you to answer "no." For this to produce useful results, you have to think of a specific situation that you feel strongly about. For example, thinking about speeding on I-25 on my drive to Albuquerque, then answering "no", did not produce the desired reaction on the polygraph. But thinking about an instance where I was actually pulled over with the potential for a big ticket (a real "oh shit" moment) - and visualizing that instant of seeing the flashing lights in my rear-view mirror - did the trick. (This could be ripe for abuse, but my examiner made it clear that he didn't want to know any details.) I had to stop for a moment after the question was posed, think, and then very deliberately say "no" to produce the right response to these controls. I could actually feel a slight numbing sensation in my hands when I was producing a good lie. This took a little coaching and I had to repeat two segments. I honestly feel like my reaction was to the memory of the incident itself, not to my "lie" about it (which really felt more like following directions in order to pass a test, something which most LANL employees are well practiced at). This is the primary reason I question the polygraph process.
The third type of question, of course, was the actual counterintelligence questions. These were, approximately: Have you ever disclosed classified information to an unauthorized person? Do you have any unreported relationships with foreign nationals? Have you ever attempted to sabotage a classified computing system? and Have you ever conspired to overthrow the US Government? Each round of recording contained only one of these questions, asked two or three times, mixed in with a few of each type of control question. The examiner presented each question he would be asking, gave it a little more definition, and then asked me if I had any reaction to the question that I'd like to discuss. Those weren't his exact words, but the idea was, if I had any particular question or concern about it, I was supposed to discuss it with him. I went through a few possibilities on the foreign national one (coworkers, incidental contact) and reviewed a near-infraction I was once incidentally involved in. While the recorder was on, he then said "Other than what we have already discussed, [insert question]?" I am told that if your polygraph indicates deception on these questions, they will stop the recording, give you another chance to get things off your chest, and then do the round over again. I have also been told that what comes out of your mouth during these interludes is the only thing that can really get you into trouble. (Everything that happens in the room is recorded, and I would imagine there is a second person watching the process as it occurs.) If you simply answer "yes" and "no" and then decline to provide any further elaboration on your answers, the worst that can happen is that you will fail to pass. Eventually if you fail to pass on multiple tries, they can order a field investigation to look deeper into your background.
That's about it. There was a break in the middle of the session, back into the waiting room. At the end, he told me the data had to pass through a QA review but that I had provisionally passed. It took me about three hours from arrival at the test center until I was back in my car. It wasn't horrible, just very weird. I do not believe it improved national security.

Posting 2
Anonymous said...

Doc,

I will add my experience to the list of CI polygraphs. I took mine about 18 months ago. Same place as the first poster. Identical experience up until I got called to go on over to the polygraph suites. I got this examiner, (his mentality I guess was that of a used car salesman, just by the way he talked and acted) I asked him his name, he said it didn't matter for me to know it. That set me up on the defensive right there. I had researched the polygraph online and through my local library. I literally read everything I could get my hands on. The polygrapher line for line did exactly what most of my reseach said he would do. The pretest was exactly as described. It was at this point I realized that I was dealing with a neanderthal, who couldn't think beyond the scripted process he was employing. So we went through the questions, and he hooked me up. As we were going through the questions, he yelled a couple of times, he said I was breathing too shallow, and accused me of trying to manipulate the test. I just continued breathing at my normal rate. I was more relaxed than I thought I would be. And I think he didn't much like that. We went through the questions 3 times. He stopped the questioning a couple of times, because he said I was having a reaction to the foreign national contacts question. I wasn't, I knew that this was a ploy and an area of concern for everyone I talked too, other folks said the same after their polys. I said nothing was bothering me. We completed the testing and he left to examine and score the charts, at least that is what I assumed he was going to do. I had no worries as I 100% told the truth. But it was interesting to note that the knowlege of the polygraph procedure and the format used was predictable. The upfront study on the polygraph was a great comfort. Mr Neanderthal came back in and had me go sit in the waiting area. Within a 1/2 hour I was told I could go home. I never heard anymore about it. Total time was about 3.5 hours. After that experiece, I now more than ever know and believe that the polygraph is a complete waste of time. The key thing is not to be intimidated and also not allow the brainwashing routines (pretest and examiner bluster) and the little numbers test, (they use it supposedly to calibrate the machine), swing you into believing that it really does work. Its nothing more than a mind game. Anyone with game theory experience will see it for what it is.
May 19, 2007 11:35 PM

Posting 3
Anonymous said...

I've had 3 or 4 CI polygraphs over the years and the best advice I ever received was from a DOE Security Mgr who said "All I know is never admit to anything... they'll take the slightest indiscretion and turn it into a major security breech".

His point was that DOE was looking for "examples" to justify the success of the CI polygraph Program.

May 20, 2007 5:02 AM

Keep the cards and letters coming folks, this kind of documentation of personal experiences can't help but be helpful in a couple of ways: 1) It gives the rest of us something to base our hopes and fears on beyond the threats and promises of LANS/DOE and 2) It provides a modicum of oversight to those in charge of the process; If they act in abusive ways it is likely to be exposed through this kind of publication.

We are moderating comments on this post as we do NOT care to let the hecklers "tag" this thread with their need to be heard. This is why there are two posts here, the original which drew in a couple of hecklers right away and this one which is dedicated specifically to these testimonials. Random commentary can go to the other post.

Submitters may simply make their comments here, or may send them via e-mail to mailto:strangeloveomatic.gmail.com and We will post them w/o your e-mail address included unless you specifically ask us to include

I Cannot Tell a Lie!

2007-05-18T18:47:00.000-07:00

On Pinky's Blog -

Anonymous said...

Dr. Strangelove, I can talk about the CI polygraph I took for HRP. Can you give us a new thread?

5/17/07 11:32 AM

We dunno if 11:32 mistook us for Pinky&theBrain or if they intended us to start this thread but if for no other reason than to jump-start out of this funk the whole Kaupilla thing put us into...

Let us have our first "testimonial", eh?

Bring it on 11:32!

And here it is:

Doc,

Here's a fairly detailed account of the CI polygraph I took for HRP a little over a year ago. I am assuming this will come to you anonymously.

The polygraph center is located in an office park near the ABQ airport. You enter a hallway from the parking lot and there are two badge reader controlled doors. The one on your left is a waiting area, where you sign in, deposit your belongings in a locker, and wait. There's no restroom in the waiting area, you have to go out the badge reader door and down the hall and then have them badge you back in. There's a video camera, a water dispenser, and a bookshelf filled with Tom Clancy novels (how long DO they plan for me to wait?) and past issues of Guns & Ammo. After browsing through the sign in sheets to see if I knew anyone, I waited. Probably a half-hour, it's hard to say under the circumstances. I was the only person waiting.

When my turn came, they took me across the hall through a second badge reader, into an office area. The polygraph rooms are cubicles with ceilings, built from modular walls like you'd see in many LANL office buildings. The room contained a blocky upholstered chair (function of which is obvious) in the corner opposite the door; a desk with a computer on it, set to the right of the chair, mostly out of the view of the person sitting in the chair; and a folding chair directly in front. The examiner was friendly and helfpul in a rehearsed and measured sort of way. Not as cheerful as a flight attendant, but more solicitous than the average LANL buyer. (Cheap shot, I know). His overall demeanor suggested that he wanted to help me get through the process as smoothly as possible. I did not experience anything that I would describe as threatening or unprofessional during the test, but I would not describe it as a pleasant experience, either.

I don't exactly remember how I was hooked up, I think there was a velcroed strap that went around my chest and a thingy on my right hand. You are supposed to sit extremely still while they are recording, which is not easy for a fidgety person. The recorded sessions take just a few minutes each, and there are four of them at a minimum, or more if you have trouble producing the right kind of signals. The rest of the time is spent going over the questions. You can't see what is being recorded, because it's on a computer screen facing away from you, and because the examiner is out of your field of view when you are sitting perfectly still.

The examiner went over the three types of questions. The first is intended to be a completely neutral question, such as "Are the lights on in this room?" Your are supposed to answer this honestly. The second type of control question is intended to produce an emotional reaction and you are asked to lie, for example, "Have you ever deceived a loved one?" or "Have you ever violated a traffic law?" These are supposed to be questions that everyone should be able to truthfully say "yes" to, but the examiner asks you to answer "no." For this to produce useful results, you have to think of a specific situation that you feel strongly about. For example, thinking about speeding on I-25 on my drive to Albuquerque, then answering "no", did not produce the desired reaction on the polygraph. But thinking about an instance where I was actually pulled over with the potential for a big ticket (a real "oh shit" moment) - and visualizing that instant of seeing the flashing lights in my rear-view mirror - did the trick. (This could be ripe for abuse, but my examiner made it clear that he didn't want to know any details.) I had to stop for a moment after the question was posed, think, and then very deliberately say "no" to produce the right response to these controls. I could actually feel a slight numbing sensation in my hands when I was producing a good lie. This took a little coaching and I had to repeat two segments. I honestly feel like my reaction was to the memory of the incident itself, not to my "lie" about it (which really felt more like following directions in order to pass a test, something which most LANL employees are well practiced at). This is the primary reason I question the polygraph process.

The third type of question, of course, was the actual counterintelligence questions. These were, approximately: Have you ever disclosed classified information to an unauthorized person? Do you have any unreported relationships with foreign nationals? Have you ever attempted to sabotage a classified computing system? and Have you ever conspired to overthrow the US Government? Each round of recording contained only one of these questions, asked two or three times, mixed in with a few of each type of control question. The examiner presented each question he would be asking, gave it a little more definition, and then asked me if I had any reaction to the question that I'd like to discuss. Those weren't his exact words, but the idea was, if I had any particular question or concern about it, I was supposed to discuss it with him. I went through a few possibilities on the foreign national one (coworkers, incidental contact) and reviewed a near-infraction I was once incidentally involved in. While the recorder was on, he then said "Other than what we have already discussed, [insert question]?" I am told that if your polygraph indicates deception on these questions, they will stop the recording, give you another chance to get things off your chest, and then do the round over again. I have also been told that what comes out of your mouth during these interludes is the only thing that can really get you into trouble. (Everything that happens in the room is recorded, and I would imagine there is a second person watching the process as it occurs.) If you simply answer "yes" and "no" and then decline to provide any further elaboration on your answers, the worst that can happen is that you will fail to pass. Eventually if you fail to pass on multiple tries, they can order a field investigation to look deeper into your background.

That's about it. There was a break in the middle of the session, back into the waiting room. At the end, he told me the data had to pass through a QA review but that I had provisionally passed. It took me about three hours from arrival at the test center until I was back in my car. It wasn't horrible, just very weird. I do not believe it improved national security.

Todd Kauppila

2007-05-08T18:32:00.000-07:00

This spot intentionally left blank...
in respectful memory of Todd Kauppila

Family Jewels

2007-05-08T17:17:00.000-07:00

The back rooms are filled with smoke.
Bechtel now owns all of the family jewels.

grey men in grey suits

2007-05-06T21:38:00.000-07:00

10 Republicans vs 8 Democrats vs 6 Agent Smiths (1 not showing) vs Calvin for President.
And all the mouth-breathers who don't notice they are all the same.
Quite the lineup for 2008.

Politics bore Us...

However, Calvin, his stiff-necked hecklers, and now the anonymous poster darko have raised our dander. Guess which candidate we support?

It seems unlikely that our problems here in this little drinking town with a small science problem is not correlated with what is going on in the White House and Congress.

The current administration and half of the Congress or more is owned by Bechtel and Halliburton and their ilk (or is it the other way around? who owns whom? does it matter?).

Clipped from a comment on Calvin's Blog..
Pinko -

These Dungeons are FILLED with Trolls. bwahahHAhaHAhahaha....

Methinks the tides are turning against the grey men in dark suits.

But the questions are:
Is it soon enough?
Will a new cadre fill their places?
Have we learned anything?
Are *we* part of the problem?

- Darko

Calvin has gone Nuclear!

2007-05-05T15:11:00.000-07:00

Go Calvin!

Army of None
Artwork by David Hollenbach

This image was too good not to share.
Thanks to Calvin for posting it and providing his own commentary!

Calvin really laid into the poor folks who had the bad luck to be in office of late.

A couple of stiff-necked (Feynman or Oppy's words) hecklers tried to suggest his talk was "treasonous" and got bitch-slapped with their own hankies by a whole cadre of folks coming to his defense.

And before any of you wing-nuts (knee-jerk conservatives) take me on in the comment section, I want it clear that I am NOT a "liberal democrat" and am very patriotic.

But that doesn't mean I'm above kicking the chair out from under people who are tearing our country (or community or laboratory) down from the presumed safety of an elected or appointed office of the government or the board of a privately held corporation holding huge no-bid and hardly-bid contracts (LANS?) with the government.

Protecting my country from those who are trying to destroy it for their own greed and profit is not treason.

If the young man giving Uncle Sam the finger here is pissed (like Calvin) it is because of what some pretty immoral people (supported ironically by the "moral majority") have done to their generation. The chickens are starting to come home to roost. Go figure.

Just say Yes!

2007-05-04T09:32:00.000-07:00

Italian Fascist Headquarters in Rome

Si! Ja! Ya! Da! Oui! Yes!
Sir, Yes Sir!
Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full! Sir!

LANL, despite our high security has been an open society in many ways, but this has been shifting significantly over the last decade.

In this post, the Good Doctor summarizes Naomi Wolfe's 10 Steps to Close an Open Society. For the knuckleheads in the crowd (and there seem to be a few who simply cannot grasp the relevance of this kind of post to LANL) we also describe this relevance from our own point of view. Collectively our audience (what appears to be a steady 100+ daily readers) have a lot more detailed evidence of these steps being taken locally. We wonder if anyone but the hecklers and sycophants will speak up. (Hecklers and Sycophants are still welcome of course, but we will tease you mercilessly!)

10 STEPS TO CLOSE AN OPEN SOCIETY by Naomi Wolfe

1. Invoke a terrifying internal and external enemy
Internal:
* Spies (goes with the territory)
* Cowboys and Buttheads (Thanks Pete, thanks a lot!)
* Polygraphers
* Piss Collectors
* Incompetent and Self-Serving Middle-Management
.
.
.
External:
* Evil Enemy Nations who want our secrets
* Evil Terrorists who want our secrets
* Greedy and Incompetent Bechtel who want ???
* Executive Branch who wants to give us to their corporate friends
* Legislative Branch who wants to shut us down because we are "evil"
and/or give the golden goose to their corporate friends
.
.
.

2. Create a gulag
* We already have the fences and guards.
* When will we quit worrying that the automated badge readers won't let us in and start worrying that they won't let us back out?
* Wen Ho Lee spent a year in Solitary *before* they proved anything (or not)...
* When will the results of our Urine and Poly tests (false positives and all) be used to prosecute the implied crimes related (illegal drug use, mishandling/misreporting/misthinking)?

3. Develop a thug caste

* Internally, our middle-to-upper management often fit this description.
* We have some powerful bureaucracies in the lab that fit this as well.
* Our guards have been pretty careful to avoid this image in the past, will this last?
* New "crimes" (anti-policy activities) may provide the thug cast new opportunity to exercise their (metaphorical) sappers, batons, tear gas, and stun guns. These new policies include drug-testing and searching of private vehicles (don't shop over the lunch hour and leave a bottle of wine in your car... that is technically against policy... alcohol on lab property), don't even pretend to take a picture with a personal camera or cell phone on lab property (say of the 3 pissmobiles lined up all red-white-and-blue), be in your office by 8 and don't leave it for 9-10 hours excepting the required minimum 30 minute lunch... the list goes on and the "thugs" are standing by for their orders to "enforce" them.

* Bechtel is a "privately held corporation". They can hide behind a different mask than DOE to protect their potential thuggery.

4. Set up an internal surveillance system
* This comes with the territory.
* But it can be amped up and abused.
* And the various new policies being put in place seem to support that potential abuse.
* Nanos encouraged us to weed out the Buttheads and Cowboys sitting next to us... sound like Fascist Italy and Germany and a few hundred other places?

5. Harass citizens' groups
* Notice how unwelcome any dissent in this environment is.
* The list is too long to put here.

6. Engage in arbitrary detention and release
* If you don't show for your piss test in 30 minutes (by policy) you are considered to have failed and you are fired. If you show and cannot produce, you are not allowed to leave and after 2 hours are "escorted" to see a doctor to determine the reason.

* During Wen Ho Lee, NEST years, people were taken from their homes in the middle of the night for Polygraphs. Maybe they could have refused, but I don't know if we know that. Did anyone refuse? How did it turn out?

*Wait until YOU find yourself on a no-fly (terrorist watch?) list because you:
A) attended some dissenting rally
B) spoke up in public (including a blog)
C) read a blog (not trying to chase anyone off here!)

7. Target key individuals

Threaten civil servants, artists and academics with job loss if they don't
toe the line.

* We might *all* be considered "key individuals". The abuse we are suffering (including the implied threat of it) might very well be little more than this Step being taken in a larger arena. Big as we feel in some ways here, we are "small potatoes" to the larger forces at work.

8. Control the press

* This is an important feature of these blogs... to gather relevant press information, to vet it against our own experience, to discuss it' s implications... and to notice what is NOT being published, what the biases are, etc.

9. Dissent equals treason

* There are voices in the commentary on our blogs that seem to precisely say this. LANS policy on misuse of government resources could easily be used (and may already) to slam the lid on people even glancing at these blogs on "company time and equipment". This might be well within their policy but their motivation is surely to intimidate potential dissenters.
* Very few bloggers (Pat the Dog, Pinky, The Brain, Strangelove Ourselves, MaskedCalvin, Oppy, Feynman, et alii) seem to be too excited about exposing their "true names" and few of the commentors seem to be interested in this. Hmmm???

* Doug, Brad and Eric are the only ones to speak up in-persona. Brad is the only one within immediate reach of LANS/Bechtel and as it has been pointed out, he only has a little to lose by this self-exposure compared to say, an early-mid career employee.

10. Suspend the rule of law
* By accepting a job and a security clearance, many of us have (voluntarily?) given up some rights explicitly and implicitly. How many of these they add as a condition for employment or clearance (adding drug-testing and polygraph screening, ...) and the (increasing?) consequences of refusing or of not passing (different than failing) are a close parallel to this. Get us to waive the "rule of law" around privacy and habeus corpus and ???

This Post is framed around the 10 steps in:

10 STEPS TO CLOSE AN OPEN SOCIETY by Naomi Wolfe

* Naomi Wolf's ‘The End of America: A Letter of Warning to a Young Patriot’
will be published by Chelsea Green in September.

To Blog or not to Blog?

2007-05-03T22:31:00.000-07:00

Even Scott Adams gets into it!

an anonymous poster said...
How ridiculously juvenile....

then later...

Do you really think ridiculously juvenile blog entries with silly pictures and a fake memo has a net positive effect on anything related to what you are railing against? Of course not. That was my point. All it does is help paint the picture that Congress is right about us scientists at LANL. It simply propagates the general picture. We are losing the perception war that we just don't get it and stuff like this does not help. Sorry I did not spell it out with silly pictures and fake memos for all of you. Nice job giving the enemy more fodder for their canon.

and then after a little more back-and-forth with other posters:

Kind of right back to the beginning of the comments on this blog posting, aren't we?

Perhaps you should reflect on my original question and ask yourself if you think blog posts like this one and the inane comments (including my own of course) that follow help or hurt the laboratory. The blog post itself does not irritate me. And it is kind of funny, but (in my opinion) it is also harmful. Perhaps I just don't understand the purpose of the blog. If it is to blow off steam and make fun of folks and assign blame to people we disapprove of like a bunch of preening middle school kids, great! Looks like it is hitting that mark perfectly. And it does make for fun reading at times.

Unfortunately it also serves those aligned against the laboratory, but at least it's fun. But I guess nobody said we can't have fun while we feed fuel to those trying to burn the place down. I'm sure all of those "C students" that pay our bills can't stop laughing at our non-stop self-annihilation.

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, eh lads?

The Good Doctor wants to open the question: To Blog or Not to Blog?

What are the merits of a public forum like this?

Do we need a place to discuss things anonymously?

Does dark humor and satire (and juvenile humor?) have a place in any public forum?

Does this forum have any value beyond "venting"?

Are we doing more harm to ourselves, to our cause, than good?

Do our critics and detractors get what they want through our public self-examination?

Is what we are doing too important to have this kind of open discussion?

Is what we are doing too important NOT to have this kind of open discussion?

We have asked "anonymous" to compose his (or her) own post... to open a serious discussion on this topic right here.

This may or may not be the right forum.

- Doc

Los Alamos Blocks Researcher Access To Archives

2007-05-03T22:15:00.000-07:00

That would be Bechtel/LANS doing the blocking
(we have no policy to cover this)
Read about it here.

Training Day

2007-05-03T21:30:00.000-07:00

How to NOT beat a Polygraph (Video)

Brad gets Pissed too!

2007-05-01T22:46:00.000-07:00

This in from a friend of Brad's

Open Debate on RRW - SciAm Style

2007-04-30T22:45:00.002-07:00

John Pedicini. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Joe Martz

Scientific American Blog: The Present and Future Role of Nuclear Weapons in the U.S. and the World

We commented on Joe Martz's statements regarding the RRW project before it was "awarded" to LLNL. Joe stood up and made a strong (and in our opinion) well motivated statement about the possibility of using the RRW project as a means to achieve disarmament.

This would be a really good time to debate this. With the privatization of LANL (and soon LLNL), it is really a good time to make sure that the existing risks of the abuse of nuclear weapons do not get escalated.

Does this nation, this world, need a private corporation like Bechtel (not that far removed from Halliburton, from Blackwater, from ...) controlling the nuclear weapons complex?

This discussion that Scientific American wants to have is overdue. Let them start with reviewing what Joe Martz and John Pedicini have already had to say.

Pathological Forensics????

2007-04-30T22:10:00.000-07:00

Forensic Pathology is now heaped on top of the steaming pile...

This memo was forwarded to us by numerous interested parties:
The problem of false-positives has never been addressed...

Careers are at stake. So is national security.

To/MS: LANL Employees

From/MS:  Roger L. Hagengruber, MS A105

Phone/Fax:  606-2263/606-2264

Symbol:  DIR-CCSO: 07-010

Date:  April 30, 2007

Subject:  DOE Polygraph Program

For some years, DOE has been planning to implement a polygraph

policy as part of its counter-intelligence (CI) program.

Recently, LANL was notified of the official commencement of

random counter-intelligence scope polygraph examinations for

personnel in certain “high risk” categories. These exams will

cover employees across the NNSA facilities including LANL. In the

past week, we have received a list of names of individuals at the

lab that will be contacted soon to set up the schedule for their

polygraph. This memorandum is intended to announce the new

program and to provide you with some explanation of the

situation.

The letter of notification that we received is reproduced in part

below:

“Effective October 30, 2006, the Department of Energy issued

10CFR 709 Counterintelligence Evaluation Regulations.

Subparagraph 709.3 explains the provisions covering Random CI

Evaluations, including the requirement to complete a counter

intelligence scope polygraph examination. The Counter

Intelligence Evaluations Division (CIED) is responsible for

administering this program.

This regulation may be accessed on the DOE Homepage under the

National Security, Intelligence and Counterterrorism tab. ……..”

In our discussions with DOE, it became apparent that LANL had

essentially no choice in shaping the policy implementation for

the lab. Per direction from DOE/CI, LANL provided names and other

data for all people in the categories that they specified. Some

of this information was conveyed to DOE/CI via NNSA or IN. This

included all personnel at the laboratory with the following

accesses or clearances:

1.  NNSA Special Access Programs (an access requiring a Q)

2.  SCI  (a clearance)

3.  Classified computer system administrators (a position

within LANL)

4.  Sigma 14 and 15 (an access within RD)

5.  All LANL Counter Intelligence personnel  (a position

within LANL)

6.  All personnel within the Human Reliability Program at

LANL  (HRP) (an additional personnel vetting process at LANL)

(Some of these categories have already required that a security

agreement be signed that included an acknowledgement that the

signer could be subject to a polygraph examination.)

All people in the above categories will be subject to random as

well as investigatory polygraph examination. If informed to

present themselves for a polygraph, they are to understand that

participation is mandatory. Should they fail to pass the test,

they will be removed from the pertinent category list and will

not be allowed to participate in any of the other categories. If

they choose to object now to the implied participation in the

polygraph program, they will immediately become ineligible for

any of the accesses or programs listed. They will be informed

that failure to participate in the polygraph program by itself

will not affect their basic security clearance.

The total number of names submitted by LANL numbers over 5000

(for Sandia some 3800). We expect the random sampling rate to be

a few percent at most per year since the capacity for exams is

limited, which means that the likelihood of being called in any

year is very small. The LANL/CI organization will notify

individuals when we are given a list of people that will be

contacted directly by DOE/CI. The Chief Security Office and CI

will schedule sessions to explain the polygraph program and to

help people prepare.

Mistaken Identity in DC?

2007-04-28T19:58:00.000-07:00

Richard Marquez testifying for LANL in 2004.

Pinky and The Brain in LANL-THE-REST-OF-THE-STORY
asks who this man (clearly not Anastasio is)...

AP - Fri Apr 20, 11:27 AM ET

Michael Anastasio appears before the House Energy and Commerce Oversight and Investigations Subcommittee in Washington Friday, April 20, 2007, on mismanagement at Los Alamos National Laboratory. (AP Photo/Dennis Cook)

commentary on LANL-THE-REST-OF-THE-STORY suggests (strongly) that Marquez left LANL under questionable circumstances that he has been (repeatedly?) accused of sexual misconduct and perhaps even of something involving a minor.

The Doctor does not respect false accusations but if there is evidence of this kind of misconduct, it should come out (in public). Speak up folks if you *really* know anything.

- Doc Strange

Dr. Strangelove never gives up!

2007-04-28T19:18:00.000-07:00

The Good Doctor has been getting a little attention lately

Pinky & The Brain sent us this quote from SCI.PHYSICS:

"Dr. Strangelove never gives up"

Wethinks that "The Brain" is the one who "who never gives up" in his/her pursuit of taking over the world (through the use of wierd science):

The mutual admiration continues! Go PATB

Whack-A-Blog!

2007-04-26T22:03:00.000-07:00

Looks like the Blogs are popping up faster than Steven Bechtel, Pete Nanos, and maybe even Michael Anastasio can whack them down!

The Good Doctor(?!!#$%@)
just discovered a new Blog by a young chap calling himself Calvin, apparently inspired by Our own recent use of the Calvin Peeing image.

And another called What Would Oppy Do? by the Ghost of Oppenheimer hisself!

Sure enough, Calvin just contacted Us (and Pinky and the Brain) for a cross-posting! It's only a matter of time before Oppy checks in!

Gentlemen,
I am a PostDoc at LANL who has stuck it out through the shutdown (as a GRA) and changeover and want to see things turn around so I have a place to stay. Your blogs are good but you don't seem to get much input from younger people like me... it is mostly old-schoolers. I want to give a forum to my own peers... I hope you will link to my blog. Doc's image of Calvin pissing inspired my identity.

Check it out at: http://boyamipissed.blogspot.com

And another!

Richard Feynman hisself!

Better to be Pissed Off than Pissed On?

2007-04-24T21:36:00.000-07:00

Hopping mad?

Bechtel behind the thin beard of LANS, has instituted a piss-in-the-cup random drug-testing policy. Most of these folks have DOE Q clearances which require extensive background checks and a vow that they have not, do not and will not (Sam I Am) use illegal drugs. Some have higher, more rarified clearances or certificates already requiring them to submit to random drug testing and in some cases polygraphs. But those are pre-employment choices.

What many are angry about is that this new policy does not address any real issue but instead aggravates several real issues.

Real Issues:

People handling highly sensitive and classified information and materials must be reliable.
The same people must not be overly subject to blackmail.
LANL has a bad reputation (not record) for safety and security.
Morale at LANL has been dropping steadily through numerous attacks.
One recent security incident has been loosely linked to illegal drugs.
Drug tests have a measurable error-rate.
The Bechtel/LANS policy only addresses:

Their right to testing. (They declare it, employees are at-will, so be it)
Consequences of failure to report for testing. (Treated as failing the test)
Consequences of a positive result. (Immediate dismissal)

It does not address:

False Positives
Verification
Due Process

False Positives
The incidence of illegal drug use at LANL (especially among those with or aspiring to a clearance) is a tiny fraction of the use within the general population. A reasonable number of "random tests" cannot be high enough to keep the false-positive rate from going through the roof. Many known prescription and over-the-counter medications can generate a false-positive.

Meanwhile a bill to legalize Marijuana for Medical purposes has passed the Senate in NM with encouragement from Governer Bill Richardson (former Secretary of Energy no less). Director Anastasio pulled alcohol from the test suite (it is rumored that he even stated... "I like to have a martini or two at lunch") maybe they will have to pull Marijuana off the list too? THC is one of the few (along with Phenobarbital and PCP) substances the random urinalysis approach is likely to pick up over more than a few days after use...

And the LANS (Bechtel) Policy reads pretty clearly (LANS policies appear not to be public information, by the way) that "failure to appear for a drug test will be treated as a positive result from the test" and "an employee with a positive result will be immediately terminated". Now it *appears* their actual practice is slightly less draconian than this, but the stated policy would appear to allow them to terminate an (at-will anyway) employee simply for failing to report for a urine test within 30 minutes (what about failure to produce urine in a timely fashion?) or for failing the screening test (false-positives abound). There is nothing in the stated policy about any kind of due process or appeals or redress. There will probably be a few lawsuits... but surely Bechtel is fully lawyered up for that!

Random Drug Testing
It is widely agreed that "random" drug testing has one purpose only: To Intimidate. It may intimidate chronic drug users from applying for a job at WalMart or McDonalds. It may even intimidate well educated, intelligent, highly functional professionals from using illegal drugs that they have already promised (under threat of loss of clearance and likely employment and possibly a career) not to use! But do LANL employees need to be intimidated? Why wasn't the (now becoming) infamous Jessica Q. intimidated? She *was* subject to random testing.

FYI:

Bechtel Bashing ???!!!

2007-04-24T07:06:00.000-07:00

This just in from a regular reader.
Why does Bechtel seem to draw so much fire?

Why does it feel sooooo bad to be under their employ?
What choice do we have except to leave a town and a career and a legacy?

New Report Exposes Contractor Bechtel as Threat to Iraqi Environment, Human Rights and Basic Services

http://www.citizen.org/pressroom/release.cfm?ID=1450

Blood for Water

http://www.globalpolicy.org/security/issues/iraq/after/2003/0512bechtelrule.htm

The Big Dig

http://griperblade.blogspot.com/2006/07/corruption-fraud-iraq-and-big-dig.html

CROATIA: Croatia pulls out of a highway construction deal with Bechtel

http://www.corpwatch.org/article.php?id=11497

You're on your own from here, guys . . . .

Just Google 'Bechtel' and 'corruption' and watch it flow.

Gary Eschman

And Boy are they Pithed!

2007-04-22T18:21:00.000-07:00

Thousands of scientists, engineers, technicians and support staff at Los Alamos National Laboratory are hopping mad! Or they should be.

Stay tuned for more on this topic...

-Doc

PS. There is no love lost between the Good Doctor and pharmacueticals, illegal (aka controlled, recreational, etc) or legal (aka prescribed or over-the-counter). We are an overmedicated population.

On top of that, We have "signed the papers" and "taken the vow" and despite Our love of satire and irony have a fairly strong sense of honor and right and wrong, as most of our colleagues do.

So what WE are pithed about is not that we can't use illegal drugs... no indeedy, that is not the issue!

Pinky & the Brain

2007-04-21T22:45:00.000-07:00

Pinky and the Brain and the Doc are going to start our own mutual admiration society here. (apologies to PATB for the bad link these past few days! arg!!!)

We are very grateful to Pinky (and the Brain) and Pat the Dog and Brad and Doug for carrying on this blogging thing so faithfully.

The Doc has been busy of late so We haven't had time or focus to keep up our daily or more-often posts... We thank Pinky for the great introduction and hope to get back to some interesting new posts soon.

Meanwhile, please check out the dozen entertaining posts already offered and let's generate some good discussion about some of these topics! And feel free to send us your own good satirical material, we are happy to use it with/without attribution, anonymously/psuedonymously.

- Doc

Super Ed

2007-04-14T21:34:00.000-07:00

Edward Teller was often considered the inspiration for Kubrick's movie "Dr. Strangelove".

Ed was most well known for his relentless pursuit of the H bomb (the Super) and for running over the top of Robert Oppenheimer every chance he got.

A recently declassified (originally intended to be unclassified but then abruptly classified, then edited, then declassified?) talk by former director Harold Agnew reminds us that Agnew didn't have as much love for Oppy as some of us do.

In this photo for his LANL badge, he looks like a white collar criminal being booked, or maybe a John in one of those stings where they instead of the prostitutes get rounded up, photographed and their pictures placed on billboards or in the paper.

Here is Super Ed at his desk during his tenure as laboratory director for LLNL in the late 50's.

Comments On!

2007-04-14T13:04:00.000-07:00

Mea Culpa! With his eagerness to lampoon Bechtel/LANS
Nanos/NNSA the Good Doctor failed to allow Anonymous Commenting to this blog.

We have anticipated with equal lust and terror the comments that would likely come flooding in (if LTRS, LTCS, and LTRS were any indication).

The Doctor likes validation of his ideas and opinions... as well as wanting the public, especially LANL staff, retired, community and LLNL, to have yet another forum. And better yet, We look forward to having some fun with the "Wing Nuts" and the "Whiners"...

Love,
Doc Strange

Walkin, Walkin, Walkin Away!

2007-04-13T22:24:00.000-07:00

The Good Doctor knows at least a dozen highly qualified, effective LANL employees who have left the laboratory during Nanos' reign of terror, at the Bechtel selloff and then Bechtel's redoubled reign of terror. We know a similar number who could/would/should have left but have no plan to leave until they are fired.

How many do YOU know?

Doc

Mike & Doc go Blogging!

2007-04-13T21:40:00.000-07:00

"Bechtel" - rhymes with "Rectal"?

2007-04-12T23:25:00.000-07:00

When the Doc suggested "Bech-tell" rhymes with "Hell", Brad offered that "Bechtel rhymes with Rectal" instead.

And if the following submission via Brad is accurate, then they really are bloody arseholes!

If this one isn't enough, check out how they handled their big-fat no-bid contract in Iraq (pass a bunch right through to Halliburton, the highest no-bid contractee and then pull out after spending up most of the money and not producing).

Or check out the "Big Dig" in Boston.

We can't believe these bastards own us now...

Check this out:

> Here's an e-mail from a friend of mine (not a current or former LANL
> employee, but just a plain US citizen); the Bechtel cancer is deeply
> embedded in Los Alamos now, and the oncological surgery will have to
> be invasive to have any effect. Maybe radiation will be required?
>
> -Brad Lee Holian
>
> Begin forwarded message:
>
>> From: XXXX
>> Date: April 11, 2007 1:19:36 PM MDT
>> To: Brad
>> Subject: Bechtel
>>
>> 15 minute segment on 'The News Hour w/ Jim Lerner' Monday news show
>> (PBS)
>>
>> Bechtel, via FEMA, received a $3.4 billion no bid cost plus contract
>> for all the trailers that were constructed and moved into the Katrina
>> Hurricane area.
>>
>> Many of the trailers are now vacant, unlivable, etc. but Bechtel
>> won't let them be unhooked or moved as Bechtel STILL receives a
>> monthly maintenance fee.
>>
>> . . . even though nothing is being done to maintain what are
>> essentially worthless trailers.
>>
>> These guys REALLY ARE crooks . . . .! ! ! ! !
>>
>>

Eduardo de Los Alamos

2007-04-09T12:07:00.000-07:00

YouTube Video from Constructive Anarchy

Ed Grothus worked at LANL from 1949 to 1969 when he quit in protest against the development of Nuclear Weapons, an activity which he had been intimately engaged in for 20 years.

Today, Ed is an eccentric activist who runs a cross between a junkyard, a surplus shop and a museum.

The Doctor has a lot of respect for Ed, even though he cuts an odd figure and can be very difficult to have a conversation with at times. He has been on a prophetic rant for decades now... some of us might have listened more carefully to his dire warnings...

Ed has received a lot of attention over the years, not all of it positive... There is a rumour that he is on his last legs, we wish him well...

more to come ..... send in your Ed Grothus stories...

We Love you Ed, Strange as We all are,
- Doc

Life after LANL - Employee of the year 2004-2005

2007-04-08T22:08:00.000-07:00

Lose a few pounds, grow a mustache, adopt a psuedonym and do what you love most and voila... a new career!
You even look ten years younger... congratulations Pete!

- the Love Doctor

Big Stupid is Watching

2007-04-07T23:59:00.000-07:00

Big Stupid is Watching!

Dateline - 7 April 2007 11:00 PM MST
Just a quick snapshot from the weblogging system the Good Doctor linked into this page, to give us all a reminder of how much can be determined easily on the Internet. For what it is worth, at least 2 distinctly different subnets at LANL accessed GONE NUCLEAR in the last few hours and someone apparently from Sweden dropped by as well. We have security set to medium so anyone (including you!) can check the general statistics of who's blogging whom. The Good Doctor hisself (and plenty of other folks cleverer than Us) has access to all of the juicy details! We may try to track this map for a while... just to see when our good friends in various places wake up and smell the Urine in our (drug testing) cups.

8 April 2007 11:00 AM

Easter Sunday shows a bit more activity, naturally centered around LLNL/LBL LANL/SNL but a wide variety of other locations. Retired LANL? Vacationing (spring break) LANL? ORNL? PNNL? NNSA? Congressmen? Bechtel? Blackwater?

$#%#$@%@#$%@$#%$###$%^$$%$&@%$@^%@$^@$@%$@@$%^%^&^$%@$!!^$!&$!$%@!$

Stop Worrying and Learn to Love ...

The Blog!

The Bomb?
Pete Nanos?
Bechtel?
Random Drug Testing?
Buttheads and Cowboys?
Media Hacks?
Senate Hacks?

. . .
You have heard what happens when Postal Employees eventually get tired of being jerked around by *everyone* - they "Go Postal". What do you suppose happens when extremely well educated, extremely intelligent, and sometimes volatile Nuclear Weapons Scientists and Engineers get pissed off from *everyone* jerking them around? Fortunately for the world, most of these folks are also incredibly loyal, dedicated and humanitarian... so instead of "Going Nuclear", they sublimate those impulses by blogging!

Can Dr. Strangelove take over where:
Doug (lanl-the-real-story) Roberts and
Pat (lanl-the-corporate-story) the Dog left off?

Too Late!
Pinky and the Brain
have taken over where Pat and Doug left off
Paul Harvey style with:
lanl-the-rest-of-the-story !

I don't need to compete, so I hope I can complement their good work.
Whether you are:

gruntled or disgruntled
LASL, LANL, LANS
UC/LLNL/LBL/SNL/INEL/ANL/AFWL/AWOL
POGO/LASG/CCNS/EarthFirst!/Greenpeace
Uncle Pete (Domenici), Admiral Pete (the butthead-cowboy) Nanos
Uncle Jeff (Bingaman) or Governor-I-wanna-be-President Bill (Richardson)
A concerned citizen of:

Northern New Mexico
The scientific community
The United States
North America
the Western Hemisphere
The Northern Hemisphere
The Earth
The Solar System

Send in your own contributions
to fill in the blank :

Stop Worrying and and learn to love . . .

Stay tuned, we are going to have some fun here, even if it kills us.
- The Good Doctor

Born on the 16th of July!

2007-04-07T18:08:00.001-07:00

Joe Martz -

You Rock! You go guy!

The good Doctor was getting on a Southwest Airlines flight in Albuquerque when We recognized the face of this man. We had seen his picture on LANL news stories and We had met him "socially" once, so it took Us two looks to realize who We'd just seen. We were flying to the Bay Area for personal reasons (no, We weren't interviewing with Google Labs but maybe We should have been!) so We didn't think much of it.

The next day, Our hostess handed me the SF Chronicle and by golly, larger than life, there was Smiling Joe leaning up against a bomb case, looking all serious and competent and hopeful and dire at the same time! And what did he have to say?

RRW is the route to nuclear disarmament!

Unfortunately, the Doctor was taking a nap under a tree, at least so far as the LTCS blog goes... We entirely missed the piece contributed by (now) old-time Weapons Design Physicist John Pedicini... and the link and discussion of Joe Martz's interviews.

Martz was called a "used car salesman" by at least one anonymous commentor. Oddly, Our "social contact" with Joe was a test drive in his Dodge Diesel Truck We were considering buying. He was a good salesman up to a point. His Truck was immaculate, he knew every detail about it, and he politely but firmly gave me hints about precisely how to drive this 4x4, manual transmission diesel. We would have bought it except for one little thing... it was too well taken care of, it was too nice, and We didn't have the heart to offer him less than he was asking, only so We could take it out and ding it up, overheat the turbo, let the oil go an extra thousand between changes, pick up a dozen cracks in the windshield, haul rocks, manure, trash, firewood in it, etc. *as we are wont to do!*

The good Doctor came to LANL as a veritable youth... a vegetarian, a pacifist in most ways, but We believed in MAD (mutually assured destruction)... the logic was just too hard to avoid... *somebody* was going to have the biggest stick, it might as well be us.

(bwahahahaha..haaaa....!)

We didn't come to develop or maintain or test or even play with nuclear weapons. We did come to play with high-energy systems, with ultra-scale, mega-giga-hyper accelerators. We came to play with these new things called computers.

But We also thought that Nukes were a necessary evil, at worst. We also thought that real pacifists (those who would risk being subject to violence in the cause of peace) were ignorant goofballs. We also thought that Science would outpace the horrid uses that mere Plebes (non-scientists) found for it... that We, the Anointed, could come up with a an anti-anti-anti-anti-anti-missile for every anti-anti-anti-anti-missile crafted to beat the anti-anti-anti-missile crafted to beat the anti-anti.... you get the picture. We learned our Science-ethics from Comic Book and Science Fiction heroes (and total losers like Ayn Rand and Robert Heinlein ... sorry Libertarian friends... La-oosers! Get over it, We did).

We believed in the innate good of Science and when confronted with all of the Bad Uses of Science on the planet, over history, We retreated meekly behind "science is nuetral". But deep in our twisted, dark little heart was the belief that "Science is Good!" I fear that our young Doctor Martz (he was 41 at the time of his interview last month) is still in the thrall of this concept, but I completely understand it... and it might very well be the "lesser of evils" here. To hear a serious player in the development of nuclear weapons stand up publicly for a long-term plan of disarmament is unprecedented.

You go Joe! (oh... and you too John... )

- the Doctor of Love and Strangeness

Pat & Mike go Blogging

2007-04-07T11:50:00.000-07:00

This just in from Pinky and the Brain ...

Pinky and the Brain just forwarded this to Us from an anonymous artist who apparently enjoys making the same kind of fun of Anastasio vs Pat as Gleeson did of Dr. Nanos vs DougBlog. We are guessing that Pat was not the originator of this, after all wouldn't he/she have used it on LANL-THE-CORPORATE-STORY?"

Dr. Nano went up against "The Blog" and subsequently fell down the well (did Lassie come to pull him out, or was that UC and DTRA?).

What will happen to Director Anastasio? If he falls down the well he is digging for himself, will Pat come to the rescue? Or will Pat and the rest of "the Blog" just push him back in as he tries to climb out?

gotta Love it!
- Doc Strange

Doug Roberts - the Father of all LANL Blogs checks in!

2007-04-06T17:40:00.000-07:00

Doc,

Thanks for starting another blog where we can read un-LANS-ified facts about LANL. It will be good to have a place to continue to read about the goings-on at LANL that haven't been passed through the LANS PR filters.

Another source for The Real Story, in other words.

As a complete, shameless aside, I wanted to include a link to the latest album that a musician friend of mine just released. The title of the album is Lucky 13, and the artist is Mike Montiel. You can get a sneak preview of the album here, http://www.parrot-farm.net/~roberts/Lucky-13/

Thanks, and good luck.

--Doug Roberts
LANL, Retired

Thanks Doug!
Be warned, however, that while I do try to stick to the facts and I definitely don't let the LANS filters stop me, I am in this to put some levity in the game and I hope everyone reading will be able to recognize satire when it happens and not take this too seriously.

I do welcome folks correcting my facts and expressing their own opinions, but most of all I hope to attract some good material for satire from the audience as well.

- Doc Strange

Bechtel - Rhymes with Hell?

2007-04-06T17:31:00.000-07:00

Is this an ugly logo or what?
Sherwin-Williams-esque "We can Paint the World in Blood"?

When the big sell-off of one of this nation's scientific jewels finally made it to the auction block and the only two bidders left standing were Bechtel and Lockheed (with UC and UT as trophy wives on their elbows), the good Doctor thought it was six of one, half-dozen of the other.

We thought it really didn't matter what huge corporation we got sold off to, it was gonna suck either way. Except maybe We didn't trust UT's motives and circumstances, them being from the same state as our clearly questionable (Was he really elected? Is he competent? Is his staff and cabinet honorable?) President.
And maybe We'd seen too much of what Lockheed-Martin has done at Sandia National Laboratory. And maybe the Doctor still felt a little loyalty to UC who had treated us pretty well (at least in retrospect and excepting the year of NanosManagement).

So maybe the Doctor was actually rooting for UC-Bechtel as the lesser of evils. Maybe We didn't really know who Bechtel was... that they were the ones who have botching Boston's "Big Dig" project for around a decade... or that the received the second largest no-bid contract at the start of the Iraq war, only to subcontract a big chunk of it to Halliburton (the first-largest no-bid contract winner, now offshoring themselves to Dubai!). Maybe We didn't know that Bechtel was entirely privately held and thus most of their business dealings was entirely opaque to anyone. Maybe We didn't realize all of the under-the-the table connections to the House of Bush and the House of Saud.

So no, Bechtel, under the thin beard of LANS owns us. Somewhere there is a branding iron with the creepy Bechtel Logo being heated white-hot to lay down their brand on the milky-white(mostly-white) flesh of the many thousand scientists, engineers, technicians and other support staff. While their series of succinct policies being published are refreshing in their relative clarity and directness, there is an ominous undertone. They all seem contrived to establish their dominance over their now at-will workers. They are all contrived to establish just-cause for firing anyone they don't like or trust, or perhaps even understand.

And what's to understand? Bechtel is a huge successful government contractor. What do LANL staff know that Bechtel management needs? They know everything they need to to do their job. If one scientist or engineer cannot do their job, they will find another. Replaceable parts, we are. If they need to fire one of us because we aren't at our desk at 0730 one day, or because the Ibuprofen, Vicks 44, poppy-seed muffin, or diet pills we have been consuming generate a false positive on our surprise piss-test, or because one of our guests from out of state snaps a picture of the NSSB
while we are driving them up SR 4 to the valle grande, or because their records show that we took a peek at LANL-THE-REST-OF-THE-STORY from a LANL computer or during work time... well they know exactly what the need to know...

Bechtel is good at obtaining and cashing in on government contracts. They might be good at hiring and firing people (from the perspective of swift and efficient processes, not human value). They might be good at writing reports that show that they have completed all tasks on time and on budget, even if they've requested (and been granted) numerous extensions and plus-ups. But are they good at science? Are they good at managing creative, educated, intelligent people?

Bechtel has no technical agenda. At least Lockheed-Martin seems to like to fly things into space, under the radar, over the horizon, down the hole. But Bechtel seems to have only one agenda... acquiring more money and power... yes, We said one, they are duals.

And was that what they were given the contract to do?

We guess we will see.

- The Doctor, waiting with 'bated breath.

Brad Lee Holian Checks in!

2007-04-06T17:29:00.000-07:00

Brad Lee Holian checked in today...

Brad stood up against Nanos (and others) allegations that LANL had a dismal safety and security record by publishing a well-formed arguement against those allegations in Physics Today.

Again he stood up against LANS/Bechtel's ridiculous random drug-testing policy in a signed letter to Director Anastasio.

At least twice now, he has called for a concerted stand against the attacks on LANL and we, the people, have failed to step forward.

Look forward to some posts revisiting these two issues in the near future. The Doctor has a lot of research to do first.

Strangely yours,
Doctor Love

Dear Dr.

As to the Shutdown, I think it was part of the
end-game drama begun in 2003, when the final decision to privatize was
announced. That really was the end, though we may have been in a state
of denial. I had hoped that an uprising of the staff would derail it,
but no Uprising ensued, even after Nanos and his benighted Shutdown.
When Pat, the Dog, started up his/her blog, I thought s/he would be
able to kick-start the staff into some kind of response. I sent him/her
a post of my view of random drug testing, and then a calmer, more
reasoned letter to Mike Anastasio, which also got published in the
conventional media. I knew that the staff would meekly pee, but I
really did have a few moments of hope that Anastasio would see reason
and cancel the random part, in order to salve the morale of the
beaten-down Labbies. Well, we know how THAT little scene played out.
Then, finally, when the RRW decision was announced, having been cooked
for months in advance of the "competition," I knew it was all over at
LANL for another two years, at least. And I got personal confirmation
of that from Senator Bingaman himself at the recent All-Hands-On-Deck
Meeting. Now, it looks like the two new blogs (yours and
PinkyandtheBrain's) will be the only source of succor to the abuse
victims trying to survive their bludgeoning. Best of luck to you.

As to the drug testing, I believe that Al Zelicoff has written
extensively on how those things work. If memory serves me (you can look
up Al's comments on Pat's blog), the only thing that CAN be reliably
discovered is marijuana, because it is absorbed into the fatty tissues
of the body and slowly released. Then there is methamphetamine, if it
is ingested only a few hours in advance of the test, since it is
water-soluble and eliminated from the body rather quickly (half a day
or so). (Beware allergy sufferers: the breakdown products of sudafed,
used as an ingredient for making meth, are probably identical to the
breakdown products of meth itself!) The Powers-that-Be, thanks to our
vigilant press and attention-starved Congressmen, only care about
nailing trailer-trash meth dealers and smashing subversive,
non-conformist pot smokers. For Lab management, the rest is gravy. And
deterrence. If they had REALLY cared about helping Lab people with
their self-destructive addictive behaviors, they would not have made
the whole business so adversarial. But "Adversarial 'R' Us" is the
Bechtel motto.

All the best, chin up, etc., ... AND ... patients!

-Brad Lee Holian

Dr. Nano vs The Blog!

2007-04-06T17:00:00.000-07:00

It was the end of 2004, after a long and costly, but generally inappropriate and unnecessary shutdown and the decision to put the Laboratory on the Auction block to be sold to the highest bidder in the military industrial complex was set in concrete.

Doug Roberts got fed up with the lack of a forum to discuss the egregious conditions and events at his workplace, Los Alamos National Laboratory. So he did what any modern, self-respecting computer scientist would do:

He started a Blog.
He named it LANL-THE-REAL-STORY
He built it and many came

The downtrodden employees

The UC/Nanos apologists

The disgruntled ex-employees

The local anti-nuclear campaigners

The local press

The national press

The congressional oversight committees

The Lab administration
The corporate bidders
The blog cartoonist Sean Gleeson

Admiral Pete Nanos, sent by someone, nobody knows for sure, left ignominiously just before the lab was handed over to an unholy alliance (LANS) which was essentially a front for Bechtel (which rhymes with Hell).

Nobody really knows how much effect Doug's blog had on Nanos ungraceful but timely exit, but many of us had a good, long laugh when this Blog Comic came out. It was even immortalized as a coffee mug which you are likely to see discretely placed on any number of desks around LANL.

Gotta love it!
- Doctor Strange

Whither Michael Moore?

2007-04-06T12:56:00.000-07:00

George Bush and Michael Moore Face off in Los Alamos?!

On the front page of the Los Alamos Monitor were two stories... just days before the 2004 presidential election... in near perfect juxtaposition:

Bush, Grandaughters thrill Los Alamos Crowd

Local Cave Dweller (Michael Moore) Sought Simpler Life

I don't know why nobody else got the humor in this, given the public battle between the filmmaker and the (maybe-sorta) President.

Naturally it was:

Roy Michael Moore, aka Micro Mike

aka Micro Mike

Not the lampooning film maker:

Michael Moore

aka "the fourth Dixie Chic"

who was found in a well appointed cave on LANL property growing Marijuana and studying the secrets of the universe.

And it was
George H.W. Bush

aka Pappy "Read My Lips, I Lied" Bush

(with "badgirl" granddaughters in tow!)

who were speaking on behalf of his son's (their father's) (re?)election campaign, not

Ridin' it into the ground!
W. hisself

Nevertheless, both Michael Moores have gone pretty quiet... Roy apparently moved his camp to Forest Service land where he was again rousted (there IS a 14 day stay-limit for most campers on public lands to prevent permanent "squatting"), spent some time living with his daughter in Los Alamos and then presumably went back to his psuedo-homeless caveman ways somewhere less discoverable than directly below the DOE office in Los Alamos.

If the new stories are to be believed, he had been there for some time, maybe over a year? Long enough to establish quite a nice residence with a sliding glass door, solar panels, a satellite radio, a woodstove (from which the smoke gave him away) and a small planting (and stash) of marijuana. Moore's story was that he had quit a software engineering(?) job in Texas and moved to Los Alamos to be closer to the scientists, his brothers in inquiry while he noodled on his own mysteries of the universe. The marijuana plants were part of that experiment, or so he implied. When We heard about this, We wanted to seek him out and shout at him "The Answer is 42!"

What about this guy?!

Did his failure of Fahrenheit 911 to bring down the Bush Dynasty use him up? Or is he wandering around Northern New Mexico Laboratories, Strip Clubs, and Caves developing new material on Bechtel?

Bechtel Hell?

As usual, the Doctor is "in" for comments:

Where's the Hook?

2007-04-05T21:53:00.000-07:00

Nearly 2 years ago, a longtime Los Alamos employee and whistleblower was beaten severely. He, his wife, and his lawyer all called it retaliation, intimidation, threat. There was a police report. There were witnesses.

Where's the followup? If the guys who beat him so badly were just local punks, jerks working out a little testosterone, a little cultural exchange, why didn't *they* make the front page like Tommy did? Or the back page even? And if even more, why didn't they make the front page of every newspaper in the country?

The good Doctor knows Tommy Hook... not well, but we were once friendly acquaintances. We had a few hallway conversations over the eyars. Tommy told his story to the Doctor several times during the years leading up to the more extreme times. We hadn't had a conversation in several years when this came down... but in the "old days", Tommy was very sincere and earnest.

The good Doctor took him at face value in those days... nothing he had to say was really that surprising, that hard to believe. And for the life of us, we couldn't see any reason for him to make that shit up. But we are not big conspiracy theorists (just amateur dabblers) so we tried hard not to think too much about it all.

That was until I saw what was left of his face on the front page of the papers... Tommy is only about 5'5, in his mid-fifties, maybe 120 lbs... very polite, soft-spoken... not a scary guy... not somebody who needs beating up for anything he might do or say in the moment. Sure, he was coming out of a strip club around closing time. Sure he might have said or done something someone could use as an excuse ( I think it was intimated that he might have backed into someone... like a pedestrian.. or their vehicle?)

Tommy's story to the police indicated he had gone to the club after getting a phone call from another potential whistleblower. Tommy was slated to testify soon and supposedly he was gathering more dirt on LANL management... A strip club is a good location for such meetings in film noir, but not in real life... and it didn't help his story that his wife was out of town that night and in fact had spoken with him on the phone just before he got the phone call and ran off to meet the tipster. It was rumored that one of the girls from the club said she had given him a lap dance... not exactly what you'd expect for his cover story... but then maybe he just got bored waiting for his contact.

So... probably Tommy just likes scantily clad girls wiggling in his face... don't most men? Not all of us actually go to strip clubs, and if we do, we usually avoid getting beaten in the parking lot... so there *are* some questions worth asking.

But the most suspicious? What happened to the perps who did this? Not much justifies several guys beating another pulpy in a parking lot. This is just not acceptable behaviour... And what happened with Tommy's testimony? Was he intimidated out of it? Why did the whole story go dead?

Somebody got the Hook... the Doctor really wants to know what happened after that... what happened next, and why?

Riding it into the Ground

2007-04-04T21:20:00.000-07:00

Strangelove Style

Who is riding this great Scientific Laboratory into the ground?

Pete Nanos?
Slim Pickens?
Osama bin Laden?
The Nuclear Navy?
Texas Republicans?
Democrats everywhere?
Anti-Science Creationists?
Anti-Nuclear Environmentalists?
Rabid former LANL employees?
Political friends of LLNL?
Pork Barrel Politics?
Our own ineptitude?
The Park Service?
Meth Pushers?
The Media?

And why?

The Doctor wants to know. The doctor wants to know.

Brave New World?

2007-04-03T21:00:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Pat the Dog for using this image first in this context.
Thanks to George Orwell for creating this image in the mind's eye.
Thanks to the Ad folks at Apple for using it to challenge Microsoft.
Thanks to the Guerilla Obama supporters who used it to challenge Hillary.

No... I don't think the LANL workforce are all a bunch of Soma-zoned out mouth-breathers... but I fear that LANS management thinks they are (or should be).

Yes, the remaining LANL workforce is pretty cowed, pretty intimidated, pretty numb. Who can say when it really started:

Maybe the RIF of the early 80's.
Maybe when the Berlin Wall fell.
Maybe when the Soviet Union called it quits.
Maybe in the RIF of the early 90's..
Maybe when the CIA claimed the Chinese had one of our designs.
Maybe when it was discovered that the documents couldn't have come from LANL.
Maybe when the FBI didn't stop looking for the spy that didn't exist.
Maybe when the FBI started knocking on doors at midnight to interrogate scientists under polygraph.
Maybe when Wen Ho Lee spent a year in solitary to be released on minor charges, no apology.
Maybe when the lab, town and mountains tried to burn down.
Maybe when Pete Nanos suggested that ever other one of us was a cowboy or butthead.
Maybe when Pete Nanos shut the lab down to punish and intimidate us.
Maybe when Pete Nanos strutted around being as big of a butthead cowboy as he accused us of.
Maybe when the Lab was put up for bid, after decades of threats to do just that.
Maybe when Bechtel was handed the plum.
Maybe when an (apparently erased?) USB memory stick marked classified was found in a meth dealer's room and they filled the USB sockets with epoxy.
Maybe when Bechtel announced LANL was $200M in the red.
Maybe when we added up Bechtel's profit ($60M) and NM gross receipts ($100M+).
Maybe when we had to listen to Senators from Wisconson and Texas make rude and uninformed statements about us.
Maybe when Bechtel announced random drug testing for people who have already sworn not to use illegal drugs on penalty of career destruction.

Gone Nuclear

2007-04-01T17:02:00.000-07:00

How to stop worrying and learn to love . . .

portrait courtesy of
George Frayne - Commander Cody hisself!

The Bomb?
Pete Nanos?
Bechtel?
Random Drug Testing?
Buttheads and Cowboys?
Media Hacks?
Senate Hacks?

. . .

Can Dr. Strangelove take over where:
Doug (lanl-the-real-story) Roberts and
Pat (lanl-the-corporate-story) the Dog left off?

Too Late!
Pinky and the Brain
have taken over where Pat and Doug left off
Paul Harvey style with:
lanl-the-rest-of-the-story !

The Doctor doesn't don't need to compete, so We hope We can complement their good work.
Whether you are:

gruntled or disgruntled
LASL, LANL, LANS
UC/LLNL/LBL/SNL/INEL/ANL/AFWL/AWOL
POGO/LASG/CCNS/EarthFirst!/Greenpeace
Uncle/Saint Pete (Domenici), Admiral Pete (the butthead-cowboy) Nanos
Uncle/Saint Jeff (Bingaman) or Governor-I-wanna-be-President Bill (Richardson)
A concerned citizen of:

Northern New Mexico
The scientific community
The United States
North America
the Western Hemisphere
The Northern Hemisphere
Any Hemisphere on Earth
Any Planet in The Solar System

Send in your own contributions
to fill in the blank :

Stop Worrying and and learn to love . . .

Stay tuned, we are going to have some fun here, even if it kills us.
- The Good Doctor