Sunday, June 17, 2007

Unattributed Peafowl

The Doctor and I thought for quite a while on whether or not to write about this next story. However, after some consultations with our colleagues, we decided that in the interests of full disclosure it just had to come out.

It's not pretty, but unfortunately this is what we have come to expect from LANS, LLC.

Unattributed peafowl.

Yes, LANS has sunk that low. Our investigators have discovered that the bird in question featured in the June 15 edition of the LANL NewsBulletin belongs to none other than Doug Roberts, creator of the original LANL, The Real Story blog. Roberts is now living in Nambe, New Mexico.

When contacted by reporters this weekend to verify whether the hen in question was actually one of his birds, Roberts said, "Why, yes! That's Priscilla! I'm so pleased that the photographer caught her good side." Asked if it upset him that LANL choose to publish a photograph of one of his flock without permission or attribution, Roberts replied, "Well, you know, LANL is going through a difficult period now. Perhaps it just slipped Mike's mind."

So there you have it: another gross violation regarding the dissemination of electronic media by LANL. However, both the good Doctor and I were impressed by the graciousness with which Roberts forgave Dr. Anastasio for this latest in what has been a veritable series of missteps regarding the handling of sensitive electronic media by the crack management team of LANS, LLC.

--General Buck Turgidson

Sunday, June 10, 2007

We have a plan!

Thanks for the nice introduction, Dr. Strange. You're right about Gen. Jack D. Ripper, btw. He's nuttier than a fruitcake. Precious bodily fluids, my ass.

However, as to the current state in which LANL finds itself, my good friend Major T. J. "King" Kong put it this way. I mean, really. Look at you. Charging more than $450,000 per FTE for any work you do.

Now, the Democratic majority in Congress is calling for the lab to readjust its priorities and subscribe to a "bold vision" (the words of Rep. Tom Udall, D-Santa Fe, in a press release) that would put energy independence rather than nuclear capability at the top of the national-security "to do" list. Excuse me, but isn't that NREL's mandate? What good would a bunch of (really expensive) stodgy old bomb designers be at renewable energy, anyhow? And who would pay LANL $450,000 per person to do it these days, no matter how good LANL says they would be at it? My buddy "King" has a few words about turning LANL into an energy lab in today's environment.

Speaking of what a "world class" lab LANL considers itself to be: how good a lab is LANL, really, these days? Face it, since that madman (and believe me, I know a madman when I see one) Nanos shut the place down for the better part of a year back in '04, many of the good scientists have been leaving. Look around you. How many world class scientists do you see remaining? Me neither.

Oh, and speaking of "in the toilet", too bad about the funding for that billion $ Pu facility being taken off the table. Nice hole in the ground you've got going out there at TA-55, though.

Did I mention the potential for around 2,000 more layoffs at LANL for FY '08? LANL is apparently not Congress' favorite budget line item. This, of course, would be in addition to the 600 - 1,000 RIFS that were already anticipated as a result of LANS' $175 million budget shortfall for this fiscal year. Life at LANL is good, however, at the top. It sure was nice of you to pay your top managers all those bonuses.

But wait! What about nuclear power? We could do nuclear power, couldn't we? Yes! that's it! We have a plan!

Well, maybe not. I never was too sure about Doc Strange, to tell you the truth.

I suppose that's enough musings for now. Tell you what, let's all just pretend that some miracle will happen, giving LANL a chance of not fading into complete irrelevance.

--General Buck Turgidson

Friday, June 8, 2007

The GENERAL is in the House!

Our good friend, General Buck Turgidson, has agreed to take up the banner here for a while. The Good Doctor has prescribed Himself some much needed time off.

Trust Us, however, We are up to no good in Our Absence! Watch the headlines for Our name!

Meanwhile, let's give the Good General a warm round of applause!

Welcome Buck!